Emotion coaching? You mean I have to teach my children about emotions?? "They'll figure them out on their own!" "Oh, it's just a phase, I'm just waiting for them to grow out of it." "They need to suck it up and move on." "I feel bad he's upset but there's nothing I can do!"
There are so many excuses out there. We try and try to do a new parenting discipline plan and say, "oh, well that one didn't work." Have you ever wondered why? Why are these discipline ideas failing time and time again? Well, it may not be because the discipline plan is wrong. It could just be the way it's being implemented it into your child's life. I love "How to Raise and Emotionally Intelligent Child." John Gottman has an amazing view on parenting and how it gives a really good base for discipline. His book isn't a discipline plan, but if his words are put into action, discipline will become something that becomes easier for you and your child.
John Gottman has made me rethink all the things that I do as a mom. What kind of parent am I? Gottman goes over 4 different ways a parent can act about their children's emotions:
1. Dissmisive
2. Disapproving
3. Laissez Faire
4. Emotion Coach
I've had to think about how I handle my own emotions and then I worked on recognizing my son's emotions next. Emotion coaching is something that can be done to even my 10 month-old. He gives 5 important steps to do when you're in a moment of utter confusion. When your child is sad, making a scene, and you think "oh, please just be quiet!" The key here is listening and having true empathy for your child and respecting the feelings that they feel as valid. After you've done this, if the child needs a solution to an issue, you interact with your child and allow them to think of solution with your help.
The steps are as follows:
1. Be Aware of their Emotions
2. Recognize the emotion as a chance for teaching.
3. Listening and validating child's feelings.
4. Help child label emotions.
5. Setting limits while aiding the child in problem-solving.
To really get into depth about what each step means then I would honestly say, buy the book! Read it, you'll be happy you did. The studies that they have done on emotion coaching have proven to bless a child long-term. It's not a quick fix to things, it's something that will help them throughout the rest of their lives.
As we emotion coach our children, they will learn to be empathetic through out example. In "Successful Marriages and Families," (Chapter 10) it quotes Brigham Young saying, "Parents should...lead [children] kindly by good example into all truth and holiness." Our example to our children is one of the strongest things that we can have as parents. As we emotion coach, our children will take after our example.
I'm still in the process of learning about this concept of emotion coaching, but so far, it all makes sense and I'm so excited to try and implement it into my family. For now I'll try and give my little one a bigger hug when he falls and try to really understand his baby point of view. To him, the world is a big, new, scary place!
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