Tradition brings us back to the idea of a mother being the only one to cook, clean, feed, and so much more every day. It was typical for a man to go to work, come home, eat, sleep, and then do it all again. There were such extreme differences in the roles of men and women. Today, the LDS church does believe that those roles still hold an important value to a family but we also believe in marriage as an "equal partnership."
The word "equal" doesn't necessarily mean what the world thinks it to mean. I love what this book says,
"Equality is all too often used to mean "identity"; that is, that two equal things must be identical to each other." (PG. 38)
Equality doesn't mean that two things have to be identical -- especially people. We are born different. Each of us, having different talents and capabilities, are born to be something special. Unique. It's a gift from God to be able to be a man or a woman. The proclamation states that gender is:
"an essential characteristic of individual premortal, and eternal identity and purpose."
We are not equal people because we were created to be different. Man and woman have divine differences and it is that way on purpose. We each bring something special to our families and to the world. God sees this and is aware of the power that our divine role can have on our families. So yes we are different, divinely different. We've been different from the first moment that we have ever existed.
Even though we are different, we have the ability to have that "equal partnership" that this book is talking about.
An equal partnership could mean that a couple wants to discuss things together, making decisions together. Their communication is taken equally, the husband valuing his wife's opinion and the wife valuing her husband's opinions. How great could a marriage be if opinions and ideas were all looked upon with respect and understanding, taking each other into consideration in all things?
An equal partnership could mean sharing some roles. A wife could provide for a family while her husband is looking for a job. A husband could cook dinner when his wife seems tired or overwhelmed. There are so many ways for a husband and wife to be equal in their roles, sharing them at times, to help each other and their family.
An equal partnership could mean that support is happening on both sides of a marriage. Support as in, when a wife would want to go back and get her degree, her husband sees that as a great idea and they work together to make it happen. Support when a husband wants to change careers and a wife knows that it will take hardships, but she supports him anyway. Support needs to be used for each other in parenting styles. When a husband or wife says no to a certain behavior, they need to support each other and talk about what they think is best.
The key here is having a husband value his wife as equal, and the same thing for a wife. A wife needs to value her husband as an equal, supporting him in all things. These are just a few ways to have an equal partnership. These things can help a couple, and especially help the children that are around their parents every day.
"Couples who have unequal partnerships have more stressful marriages and are less effective parents, it is not surprising that children who grow up in homes where the parents have an unequal relationship are at higher risk for depression, anxiety, drug abuse, delinquency" (PG. 43)
Equal partnerships can bless a marriage and especially bless the children in that family. Children are always watching us, observing and learning. They learn what's right and wrong from the things that we do. I know that in my marriage, as I strive to be an equal partner with my husband, I want my children to learn that they can become equal partners with their spouses someday too.
What a blessing it is to have the knowledge we do, blessing our families and marriages for eternity.
Source: "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives" - BYU Studies and School of Family Life - (Chapter 4)
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